My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize