I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
