I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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