I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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