I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i think i just lost a toe
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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