He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
