Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
