College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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