i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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