If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
