NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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