Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
