I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
