no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will pee on everything he values.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
