There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize