We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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