So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
