just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
