I puked a lego.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
