the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
