we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize