you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
