I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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