I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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