It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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