the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't turn off my feet"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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