i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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