so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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