Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
