if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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