I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
