Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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