you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
