just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
