i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
