Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
