she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
