He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize