the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
