i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't put those talents on a resume
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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