I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
