He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
