my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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