My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
