I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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