The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
