Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
