I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
