im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
