I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
