Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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