pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
