he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
