I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Randomize
