She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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