Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
