I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize