maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
