There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did I show you my penis last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
