i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
