can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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