the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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