I'm so fucking centered right now
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
