She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
