Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
