Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
50% drunk capacity currently
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
