I skipped work to stalk him.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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