either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
false alarm. still invincible.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
