8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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