we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
