Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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