btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
