Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
