lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
