I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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