the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
