How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
