somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
