i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
