My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So vagazzling was a success
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
