How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize