You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
