it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
