i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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