Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
