Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize