What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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