I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
