He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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