I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
