just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
