I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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