his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
