If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
