you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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