I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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