he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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