I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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