Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
