at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
