they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
