Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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