I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
