just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
