i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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