So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
