This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
