Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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